


After all this time I feel sorry for you

by Maryvioletta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Draco has a shitty life, Draco is a Death Eater, Draco is an asshole, Harry Potter - Freeform, I dont know how to tag, Kind of a happy ending but not really, Nightmares, Pain, Sad, So ansty dude, Song fic, They still hate each other, a few years later, draco gets what he deserves, draco is bad, draco is lonely, harry feels sorry for draco, harry is just thinking, harry is lonely, harry sees draco, inspired by a song i heard, literally no dialogue, super sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 19:22:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21086525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maryvioletta/pseuds/Maryvioletta
Summary: Harry Potter meets a drunk Draco in the middle of the night.It´s a few years after the war. Draco lost everything. He got what he deserved.And Harry feels sorry for him.(I basically listened to a song about a neo nazi and it made perfect sense to write a fanfic about it. I also wrote this in under 2 hours. Harry wants to be happy about Draco getting what he deserves but he isn't.  thats the fic.)





	After all this time I feel sorry for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys  
I basically listened to this song a few days ago,  
And it made perfect sense for a fanfic so I thought I´d give it a go…  
The song is basically about a man who is a neo nazi and was a real asshole in his teenage years…  
A lot of people followed him and he was in a group full of other neo nazis.  
But after some years passed, all of his friends and followers left him and now he lives a really shitty life and basically gets what he deserves for being a bad person and making other peoples lifes hard.  
I feel like comparing nazis to death eaters makes sense so I immediatly thought of Harry meeting Draco again, a few years after the war.  
They still hate each other and Draco definetly didnt change so…yeah I hope you enjoy

Its a german song so i translated some phrases into english (just in case some of you wondered why literally nothing rhymes :D)

(…)There were different rules for you  
You were strong, you were allowed to  
I never asked myself  
What made you as cold as you are (…)  
You look different nowadays  
I almost didn´t recognize you  
Everything looks kind of sad  
I thought it would please me to see you like that  
Karma is a bitch  
Somehow great, but nothings great  
I would like to point my finger at you  
„look at him, this dumb piece of shit“  
But no, after all this time, after all these years  
I feel sorry for you (…)  
I would like to laugh at you, but  
no feeling of victory or revenge for me(…)  
You all swore, nothings over brotherhood  
But suddenly, none of your brothers followed you (…)  
The memories of you and the past  
Simple covered up with more tattoos  
For the brothers that you loved,  
you are nothing more than a dark mark in their biography (…)  
and they don´t talk willingly  
over that phase of their lives  
so they don´t greet you when they see you on the streets (…)

(Song: 9010- KUMMER)

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

The years passed quickly, once Harry Potter left the place he loved most in the world.  
Hogwarts has always been more than a school for him.  
It´s been his home.  
But after everything that happened, every drop of tears and blood,  
he was happy to leave it behind.  
It was sad that his years at hogwarts were shadowed by the events of the war.  
In the end, it was the happiest time of his life.  
Starting the auror- training has been distracting.  
From the memories that haunted him.  
He was busy most of the day, but once he turned off the lamp next to his bed and waited for sleep to roll over his tired body, the nightmares came. And he couldn´t escape from those, he couldn´t distract himself with work or weekly meet-ups with Ron and Hermione.  
He´d woken up countless times in the middle of the night, body wet with sweat, tears rushing down his cheeks.  
He never cried during daytime.  
In fact, he was able to handle everything fine at daytime.  
It was the nights that made him weak.  
Scared and also lonely.  
He knew, he had Ginny.  
She was always the one who comforted him, even if he woke her up by screaming her dead brothers name.  
She was the only thing that he could hold on to,  
the only person who knew that Harry James Potter, the boy who lived  
was in fact not fine at all.  
But sometimes when he came home late from work and he saw her sleeping peacefully, he felt guilt rushing through his bones all the way to his heart. She didn´t deserve this pain and fear. It was his and not hers to carry.  
So he puts his bag away and instead of laying down next to her, he quitly shuts the bedroom door to go outside.

  
The streets were empty.  
At this time of the night, he almost felt like a nobody.  
Like he wasn´t Harry Potter,  
even just for a few moments.  
Before everything came rushing back to him, before everything fell apart again.  
He feared that he would never be alright.  
For some reason he thought after Voldemort was dead, every bad feeling would die with him.  
But the time after the war sometimes felt worse to him.  
He should be happy that they won, that he survived.  
But all he could think about were the faces of the people he lost.  
_Lupin_  
_ Fred_  
_ Dumbledore_  
And all of the other people he couldn´t manage to save.  
He failed them.  
He knew, that trail of thought wasn´t true, he knew what he did saved thousands of lives but he still couldn´t help it.  
It wasn´t something he wanted to feel.  
It wasn´t something he was proud of.  
But walking through the streets in the darkness, just a few street lights illuminating his way,  
he felt like there was slightly less weight on his shoulders.  
Slighty less pain in his heart.

And thats when he saw _him_, walking out of a pub on the other side of the street.  
He looked a little intoxicated, his head hung low on his shoulders, the blonde hair hanging loose into his face.  
He almost tripped over his own feet as he made his way down the street.

  
And he was alone.  
Not that Harry wasn´t alone right now, but he knew that if he went home, he would have his fiancé waiting for him in their shared home.  
His two best friends were just one letter away and the burrow of the Weasleys always had their doors open for him.  
Harry was _lonely_.  
But he wasn´t alone.  
Draco Malfoy though, had nothing of the above.  
Harry knew that.  
He read about it in the daily prophet, heard about it from all his friends.  
Draco lost about everything in his life.  
It all shattered into a million pieces, once the war ended.  
He never changed sides, even though he was given the chance to.  
He lost the war as a death eater, as a follower of Lord Voldemort.  
Harry thought that he would always stay the way he was.  
Feared.  
But no one feared him anymore.  
Nobody followed him, nobody admired him.  
After all these years, nearly every death eater tried to erase everything they did, everything that happened.  
It was hard to identify a death eater nowadays, the dark mark being covered with tattoos or long sleeves.  
They live under the radar now, some feeling sorry, some just feeling defeated.  
Draco Malfoy could have done that, too.  
There was a phase were death eaters all around the world at least tried to change into something better. Most of them were even that lucky to be forgiven.

Malfoy didn´t change.  
Harry figured he was in way too deep to just simple leave it behind.  
His parents, especially his father, were incredibly close to the dark Lord, he was basically born into the mindset of a death eater.  
Malfoy probably clamped onto it, while everything else fell apart, being an asshole probably didn´t.  
Not that thats a valid reason to stay a death eater.  
Well maybe for him it was.  
Harry didn´t know shit about Malfoy.  
He never cared to look behind the facade.  
He knew he had one, but he was an asshole and Harry figured he could use his time better that thinking about his enemy when he was still in school.  
Harry didn´t even know if they were still enemies.  
In the end, there was no war, no sides to take.  
The wizarding world was fine.  
There was no need for enemies.  
Harry just simple didn´t care for him.  
He never apologized for what he did, never showed any sign of regret.  
He felt like Malfoy didn´t show them because he didn´t feel them.  
That didn´t change. But one thing did.  
Malfoy was alone now.  
Nobody followed him anymore,  
everybody who swore to stay with him, simply left.  
Since being a death eater basically meant digging your own grave,  
Malfoy was being left alone with his disgusting believes.  
Nobody wanted to be connected with him anymore, the phase of their life that they shared by his side were now black spots that they tried to hide.

And here he was.  
The noble Draco Malfoy.  
Drunk with alcohol and hate, stumbling his way through the night.  
His face looked even more pale in the yellow light of the streetlamps. He looked even skinnier than in his teenage years.  
Harry couldn´t quiet see it but he somehow knew that he had big dark bags under his eyes.  
Right when Harry wanted to move on, Malfoy sunk down the wall of a brickstone house.  
He pulled his knees near his body and just sat there.  
Staring into the dark sky.  
Harry really didn´t mean to stare, but it was so fascinating to see Malfoy that way.

It was almost _funny_,  
seing somebody once so rich of power and pride, being beaten down to the ground, because he had no one who supported him. No one who had his back.  
But Harry didn´t laugh.  
He didn´t feel like it.  
Allthough he should. Seeing Draco like that should make him feel good.  
It was what he deserved most in the world.  
For all this pain and fear that he spread once.  
Being left alone. _Hated and forgotten._  
But Harry didn´t feel pleased.  
He knew that _he_ did that.  
It was his victory to see Draco Malfoy on the ground like that.  
He was the reason why this piece of shit finally got his punishment.  
But he also didn´t feel like calling him a piece of shit.  
Because after all his time, all these years, **he felt nothing but sorry for him.**

Not for what Harry had done.  
Not for what Draco had become.  
But for the sad, lonely life he had to live because he had choosen hate and anger over love.  
Harry felt grateful all of the sudden.  
For the Weasleys, who treated him like he was part of their family.  
For his friends, who always had his back.  
For his parents, who loved him so much that they sacrificed themselves to save him.

Draco had none of that.  
He grew up in a cold world full of hate and perfection.  
And Harry felt sorry for him.  
After all this time, it was like his eyes finally opened to the truth.  
He was one of the lucky ones.  
Lucky as shit to be loved.  
To be accepted.  
To be listened to.

And he was somehow glad, that seeing his enemy like that didn´t please him.  
It meant that it was truly over.  
The battle. The fighting. With the world and himself.  
It was okay, all of the sudden.  
The weight on his shoulders seemed to disappear, even if Harry knew, it wasn´t forever.  
He was so blessed.  
He knew that now, seeing somebody who wasn´t blessed at all.  
Maybe even cursed.  
And he wasn´t going to think of Malfoy as anything more than a broken man.  
He wasn´t going to forgive him for what he did.  
But he just couldn´t help to feel sorry for his miserable life.  
And he silently thanked Draco for everything he learned about himself in a matter of seconds.  
He thanked him for opening his eyes. To unintentionally showing Harry, that things will be allright.  
Maybe not now or in the next months or even years.  
But eventually, he will dream of the faces of people he saved. Not of the ones he didn´t. He will worry about his kids first days in school and his loads of paper work, but not about the war.  
Right when Harry directed one final look to the horrendous sight of Draco, he looked down from the sky and their eyes met.  
Harry saw how the hate deformed him. How it had eaten him up until he was nothing more than a shadow of himself.  
He wasn´t even sure if Draco recognized him. He gave him one last look, filling it with every emotion that he felt, even though Draco would probably not understand.  
And then he turned away from him and simply walked home.  
And he didn´t bother to look back.  
Ever.

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This is the first fanfic I have ever finished so feedback is very much appreciated<3


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